An Open Letter to Kids’ Swimsuit Designers

To the designers who make childrens’ swimsuits –

Look. I get it. Your main concern is making cute prints, frilly skirts and adorable suits that change colors when they get wet. And boy do you excel at it. I can’t even walk by the bathing suits at Target without stopping to drool.

But can we just talk about functionality for a second here?

Why are there no buttons on the crotch?! 

As if going to the beach or pool with kids isn’t enough of a hassle, the moment that makes any parents heart sink will inevitably happen – “Mommy! I have to go to the bathroom.” – πŸ˜‘
Now I’m not above telling my kid to piss in the ocean, but unfortunately that’s frowned upon at the pool or splash pad. Or, you know, if they have to poop. 

Why are there no frickin’ buttons, like on a baby onesie?! Do you think these designers even have kids?

There’s two ways this could go. And there is nothing more annoying than trying to pull a wet, sandy bathing suit down a wiggly, loud kid. Not to mention a lot of bathrooms at the beach are Rent-A-John’s or hot, smelly and small bathrooms. Hell, just thinking about this makes my inner bitch face come out.

Your second option is the pull and pray. Pull that sucker to the side and pray. If you’re lucky, you’ll only get peed on. 😏 If you get pooped on, well, shit happens. Curse the bathing suit Gods and go on your way.

In closing, y’all need to get your act together and add those snaps to bathing suits for kids – oh, let’s say – ages 5 and below.

Please and thank you. 

Do I Like One Child More than the Other?


This morning was a quiet morning. Which isn’t normally how it goes, is it?

Usually we’re all rushing around making breakfast, getting dressed, and bribing the children to eat. We’re drinking cold coffee in a feeble attempt to not feel like we only got the little sleep that we did the night before. One child on one hip, another one cries because they don’t like the shirt they picked out the night before.


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I turned 29 on May 5th! Whoop whoop. And Ken surprised me with an overnight trip to Myrtle Beach sans kids; it was frickin’ glorious. 

We packed up this morning, and I took a basic bitch mirror picture on the way out. πŸ˜‚

I almost didn’t share it, because it shows Teddy, and I’m 29 with a security object from childhood. But ya know what? I decided to say fuck it and share anyways.

He was there when both my kids were born, on all our trips, on weekend sleepovers with friends, through my awkward middle school years, cruises with my family, during awful hangovers in college.

When did we become so concerned about our kids and them having security objects for too long? Is this a new thing? I mean, I get being worried about pacifier use/bottle use for the teeth reason. But I don’t ever remember my parents saying I needed to give Teddy away, or not letting me take him places (and yes, he’s a he 😜). Or them being concerned I wouldn’t be well adjusted if I relied on an object for security. 

I never intended for it to, but this picture reminds me not to overthink things. To just let my kids be.

New life mantra: Whatever’s Clever. 

Happy Sunday, y’all!

Just Take the Picture

I’m sure you’ve read similar blog posts as this one may or may not end up playing out; about how moms need to move in front of the camera instead of behind it. How you’ll look back and treasure being in the pictures.

That’s the kind of post I intended when I started. But at this point, I’m actually not sure where this is going to go. I’m just writing.

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Embrace the Chaos

We were out of town last weekend, so of course when we got home Sunday afternoon we had so much to do; clean the sheets, vacuum, dishes, laundry, prep some food, blah blah blah.

I remember being in college and thinking there wasn’t enough time in the day to do everything that needed to be done, but boy was I mistaken — being a parent and doing everything you’d like is next to impossible. And I’m saying this with two young kids — I cannot imagine how much more busy we’ll be once they get involved in school activities.

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Braving the Beach with Kids: Short and Sweet Tips

First beach trip of the season for us was a huge success!
To those of y’all hitting up the beach this summer, here’s a few things we’ve learned over the years. I’m just going to keep it simple here.

Tips and Tricks for Beach Trips

β€’ Baby Powder. It gets sand off of the skin so easily! Poof that stuff on your kids, and bye bye sand. I prefer sensitive skin powder, but that’s just me.
β€’ Leave a jug of water in the car. If you don’t have access to a shower, use it to rinse off before getting in the car! Cause tired kids + sand in their cracks = no fun for anyone. lol
β€’ Extra towels. Leave them in the car, so you have clean, sand free towels after you clean up.
β€’ Sunscreen. I mean this one should be an obvious. Reapply often; like every 20 minutes, and always after they get wet.

β€’ Baby pool. If you’re going to stay a while, bring a baby pool! It’s a great way to keep the little ones cool on rough water days.
β€’ Spray bottle with water. Mist away, friends. It gets hot out there.
β€’ Shade. Duh. The higher the UV protection, the better.
β€’ Fitted sheet. Bring a fitted sheet, and shove large items in the corner. It makes a little wall, and should help encourage the toddlers not to stomp wet, sandy feet all over where you’re laying.

β€’ Ziplock bags. I use them for everything; extra clothes, snacks go in them, extra ones for the wet bathing suits, etc. 
β€’ The obvious. Snacks, towels, water, sand toys, floaty toys, beer, and more beer. Maybe some liquor? Whatever floats your boat. 
And one of the most important things:
β€’ CHILL OUT!! A little sand never hurt anyone. I’m pretty sure Pierce ate 5 handfuls yesterday. Haha. K stomped all over my towel. We had sand in every crack and crevice imaginable. Sand isn’t the enemy, y’all. It’s your friend 😜

Let them be little, be safe and have fun!