An Open Letter to Kids’ Swimsuit Designers

To the designers who make childrens’ swimsuits –

Look. I get it. Your main concern is making cute prints, frilly skirts and adorable suits that change colors when they get wet. And boy do you excel at it. I can’t even walk by the bathing suits at Target without stopping to drool.


But can we just talk about functionality for a second here?

Why are there no buttons on the crotch?! 

As if going to the beach or pool with kids isn’t enough of a hassle, the moment that makes any parents heart sink will inevitably happen – “Mommy! I have to go to the bathroom.” – 😑
Now I’m not above telling my kid to piss in the ocean, but unfortunately that’s frowned upon at the pool or splash pad. Or, you know, if they have to poop. 


Why are there no frickin’ buttons, like on a baby onesie?! Do you think these designers even have kids?

There’s two ways this could go. And there is nothing more annoying than trying to pull a wet, sandy bathing suit down a wiggly, loud kid. Not to mention a lot of bathrooms at the beach are Rent-A-John’s or hot, smelly and small bathrooms. Hell, just thinking about this makes my inner bitch face come out.


Your second option is the pull and pray. Pull that sucker to the side and pray. If you’re lucky, you’ll only get peed on. 😏 If you get pooped on, well, shit happens. Curse the bathing suit Gods and go on your way.

In closing, y’all need to get your act together and add those snaps to bathing suits for kids – oh, let’s say – ages 5 and below.

Please and thank you. 

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